


Why Can’t I?

by ace_returney



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Character Study, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Pining, Short One Shot, Songfic, bitchard hendricks has appeared, i just LOVE hurting my favorite characters, this definitely isnt me projecting onto jared or anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28235994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ace_returney/pseuds/ace_returney
Summary: A glimpse at the thoughts of a man horribly in love.(Jared loves him, painfully so. Which makes it even more painful to leave.)
Relationships: Jared Dunn/Richard Hendricks
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Why Can’t I?

**Author's Note:**

> oh boy, here we go, ignoring the other wips i have in my journal and my notes app haha
> 
> (but hey, i hope you enjoy this!)

If he’s honest, it’s excruciating. Standing by and watching the way he crumbles and the effects of his fall. The way his morality seemingly disappeared one day and has yet to return. He wants to ask him why, what happened that caused him to change so abruptly and to such a large scale that he barely recognizes him sometimes. He wants to shake him and tell him to snap out of it, but he hasn’t the guts to try.

He hates it. So much. It’s killing him, ever so slowly, like quicksand. 

He asks himself why it hurts, but he knows. He hates that he knows, but that must be a self-preservation thing. But God, does he know. It’s a constant thought in the back of his head, holding his heart hostage and stealing the air from his lungs. He’ll try to breathe, but the air is far too thick for him.

So, what is it?

He knows.

Jared Dunn is in love. It’s a love he cannot deny nor hide from as it’s just so overwhelming. It’s a bad habit he can’t kick, no matter how hard he tries. The way he searches for ways to be of use. To help in any way possible. It’s sickening, but he can’t find it in him to let go. Always a vicious cycle that he can’t escape.

He’ll come to Jared with a problem, so very obviously distressed or anxious. Jared helps him through it and calms him down. He doesn’t think about what he’s doing because he’s so focused on helping the poor boy. It’s only when he’s walking away that Jared realizes what he’s done. And every single time, he asks himself one question.

“Why can’t I kick this habit?”

Jared tries to walk away. Tries to stop talking. Tries to keep his distance, to push him away. The thing is, they’re opposite poles and that boy is a fucking strong magnet. Jared can’t help but gravitate towards him. He can’t get away, can’t force himself to.

And it hurts.

It hurts so damn much.

And yet he loves him so, so much. He can’t help himself.

Deep down, Jared knows that his absence is what’s best for both of them. So, why is it that he can’t walk away?

That shouldn’t be a question. He’s thought about this quite thoroughly and he knows damn well why he hasn’t left.

He’s terrified.

He’s so scared of leaving. Because, what if he gets better? What if they both do? What if they can work together to start something new? Can they work it out? Would he be willing to work it out with Jared? Is he willing to give it a try?

Jared Dunn is torn, trying to find the right way to do this. Does he go with the selfish choice or with what is best?

On one hand, if he allows himself to be selfish just this once, he can still be with him. They can still talk and be friends, even if Jared desires be more than just friends. Jared would still have him, which is worth more than anything Jared could ever ask for.

On the other hand, leaving is best for his mental health at this point. Probably for him, too. For Jared, he can find silence to get rid of the...everything, honestly. To free himself from the love that keeps hurting him. And for him, he’ll have a chance to focus on the company and not worry about Jared and his overwhelming affection. He can finally relax now that Jared won’t be around to make him even more anxious.

So, what should he do?

Is Richard Hendricks worth staying for?

”Why can’t I kick this habit?”

**Author's Note:**

> (the song i kinda based this off of is the blood cultures remix of habit by cool company. it’s such a good song, seriously)


End file.
